Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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