In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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