I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize