It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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