There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
