she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize