I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I deserve this hangover.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize