Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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