dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have already put on my inside pants.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
