he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
