Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
