she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
