cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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