Duck Duck Cougar?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
