the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize