So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it's great music for shaving your balls
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
