when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
