all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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