we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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