I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
