it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
