My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
