There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
