I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
