There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
