You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
