Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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