So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
