Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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