took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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