I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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