I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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