im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
