My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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