what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
