I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
