theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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