Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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