so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
