i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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