i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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