It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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