how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
