he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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