If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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