Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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