matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My bed smells like the plague
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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