She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
