I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we're so committed to being not committed
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