Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
