i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
