I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
