Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
