i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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