I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize