dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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