...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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