What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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