I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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