I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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