Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
