Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
