What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
