if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
