He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
