Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
