hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
