mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize