There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
