dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
